so terribly lost.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

i'll keep this short and sweet.

or at least i'll try. :)

today was a whirlwind! one that ended with taking my dear bestie, madison mae, back to her house, a few towns over. it was nightime and pouring rain and i found myself easily getting lost among all the streets and it was basically the most stressful thing of my life due to the rain and the trying to balance driving with iphone holding/direction viewing. i literally drove 20 or 30 minutes out of the way. bonkers. but once i finally figured out where i was and turned around, i knew that there was a spiritual application dangling right before my eyes. in just those twenty or so minutes of being lost a few towns over from home, i got a bit emotional and literally felt like i was abandoned. and hopeless. and frustrated. and drained beyond belief. then i realized how scary life would be to walk (instead of metaphorically drive) through, lost. trying to juggle things while feeling like you're falling into danger. overwhelmed. without direction at all. so basically not awesome. i'm thankful that the feelings i felt while driving around ended as i pulled into my driveway.

what a good reminder that i'm blessed, regardless of what blessings "are supposed to feel like."

oh and also, today i discovered sprinkles cupcakes. obsessed.

got all my eve's confused!

Friday, December 24, 2010

so tonight i had a moment of reflection on the end of the year, as if it was new year's eve, and not the eve of christmas! but you know what, that's okay!

my dream of visiting washington dc becomes a reality! december 2010.

let me paint the picture for you. i'm having one of those moments where you're reflecting on your circumstances and just clinging the hope of change. i was sitting in my room, knowing i was looking for something, and then i came upon this bloggy:

The Macs

basically the story of this family is loosing their precious daughter, cora paige, to cancer when she was 11 months old, and the story of how the scriptures have become a reality of God's comfort to their family. amazingness.

lauren costin is a blessing of friendship! roadtrip 2010!

so here i am, bawling my eyes out as i read their posts asking for prayer up to the days of cora's death, and just reading of their progress since then, and the birth of a new baby, levi gerald.
then i grabbed my journal and started pouring out my heart in prayer. and this is the version that i chose to share with the few readers of my little bloggy. i thought about just posting pictures, but i'm not going to just bear my prayer requests for others out on the online world.

bestie, tim phillps = baylor mascot. = stud.
baylor vs a&m 2010. gig em!

but anyways, here's my heart:

I place my feelings, my hopes, my dreams, my angers, my fears, my future, my heart, my life, all at your feet on this Christmas eve. I know that you will not forsake me in 2011. Please transform my life to make it reflect you, to make others want to know you.

my life would not be complete without seeing the work that the Lord did during Camp 220, July 2010! (with Kristen Sidler)

take away my short temper, my attitude, take away my desires of a sinful nature, take away my laziness and my inability to stand up in boldness when necessary.
Lord, give me a heart for service and for your word. make me desire only you as i wake up each morning. bring a transformation to make my heart bold, loving, full of acceptance, courage, joy. a joy, not based on happiness but on your truth and existance. i pray that i will see your fruit in 2011.

sweet conversations with sweet believers in mexico. june 2010.

fruits that come only from you. i pray that you will open some eyes to salvation. (chances are, if you're reading this and think this could be you, i prayed for you by name. let's talk about it.) I need to be reminded that it is expected for my life to be filled with pain.

what a blessing to live with paigey! aggie football in october 2010!

i would not be able to fully comprehend all the characteristics of the Lord without many tears and trials. i pray for my future hubs, wherever he sits, that he will be strengthened by you this year.

theta fiesta!

i pray that he will be bringing glory to your name and that you will deliver to him, fruits of his labor for you. i pray that you will bring us to each other quickly, but also in your perfect timing, a timing we cannot argue with.

a silly wind blown picture with sweet sammi grace on her third birthday!

i pray for Andrew Skinner and Kristina Garza as they embark upon a marriage this year. I pray for Chad and Laura Welty as they await news of an adopted child that you are going to be delivering to them, in a perfect picture of your love for us.I pray for the birth of baby Lewis #3. I pray for a smooth college transition for all those seniors so close to my heart.

some of the most precious men of the Lord i know,
can't wait to see yall graduate! (at camp 220, July 2010)

and some adorable senior girls! aggie football, october 2010.

I pray for growth in the home church that i love so dearly, First Baptist Church of Justin. I pray that you will continue to develop friendships in my life at A&M and elsewhere.

bid day, august 27, 2010. i didn't know it then, but i was finding my home at a&m in theta.

I pray that you will shape me into a woman who fears you.

Merry Christmas, Ya'll!

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

"Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go,
for to you, I lift up my soul." - Psalm 143:8

this verse is my prayer for the new year, with all of my heart.

christmas break has been just darling so far.

one of my best friends just got engaged! wah-stinking-hoo! :)
i am so legitimately happy for Kristina, and the countless conversations we have had about how much she cares for Andrew make me so excited for them. hearing her talk about their future is just so precious. it is joy.

but obviously the huge highlight of life is that i went to visit lucy in maryland. so basically, i went to lucyland. so great. from beginning, my plane landing in the middle of a snowstorm, till the end, arriving home and realizing how thankful i am for southern charm. so great. the 20something weather was the absolute definition of my catchphrase, chillymcbrrrrrrr! it was very odd transitioning from that to the 78 degree weather in texas!

i must say, though. one of my favorite moments of this past week was while i was waiting at baggage claim for my little big pink, slightly beat up suitcase to appear. i got to see a couple greet each other with more joy than i have ever seen in my life. the girl: really cute short blonde hair and a warm christmassy sweater with jeans and cute boots. the boy= cowboy hat, button up shirt, jeans, and boots. they literally sprinted to each other and he lifted her up into a huge hug and his hat went flying, only for a passerby to hand it back to him and kept chatting and he would just grab her in his arms and keep kissing her and staring at her. meanwhile, i'm like tearing up at them from the other side of the window like the creeper i am. not a big deal.

i am a hopeless romantic. i don't even really understand what that phrase means. but i do think it means i like romance. which is true. so let's just go with it.

and last night i got to meet my favorite blogger in the world!!!! emily loerke of today's letters! literally, she was about a thousand times more amazing in real life. i am so genuinely inspired by how everything about her; from her kind and welcoming heart, to her silly charm, reflected Jesus. amazingness.

AND we kited her. :)

the night was sealed with a conversation full of love and healing with my dear sweet katie. she is such a precious friend.

i am blessed. so are you, whether you realize it at this moment are not.
if you're reading this, i pray that you enjoy the holidays for all that they are,
for who they are about, Jesus!


no complaints.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

on sunday night i found what could very well be my new favorite scripture.

"And you show that you are a letter
from Christ,
delivered by us,
written not with ink but with the
Spirit of the living God,
not on tablets of stone,
but on human hearts."
- 2 Corinthians 3:3

i love everything about this verse. i love the visual metaphor of letter's from Christ,
and i love the thought of His words being engraved on our hearts.
this verse will now officially be tatooed on my arms, posted on my status, tweeted on my twitter, written on my mirror.... wellllll, not really. but i did write it in my journal and print it out in a lovely font and hang it from the clothesline of notes above my bed.
when i read those beautiful words i just feel so genuinely inspired to examine my heart,
and want to just continue to grow it. (by it, i mean.. my heart? that sounds weird, kind of.)
I just want the Lord to continue to break me in whatever ways He needs to give me His heart. Wow. I just typed that in the flow of my thoughts and i'm absolutley positive that my mind can't even comprehend what praying something like that actually means. My heart is almost, craving worship right now. I just need to get alone with the Lord. And by alone, i mean at the all worship Breakaway tonight, which will be packed with thousands of A&M students. Yet, I know I will be able to get alone with my Savior, and sit at His feet for a conversation. It's a beautiful thing. It really is.

On a lighter note, I have been so amazingly overwhelmed with the wonderful people in my life these days. Last week i was basically on my death bed of sickness and some of my beautiful Theta sisters literally took care of me in anyway they could. Driving me to the doctor, bringing supplies, and praying over me while i cried in pain. I am so blessed! I am also a giggly little girl right now with joy that one of my best friends in the whole world is about to have some amazing changes in her life that start her future. eeek!

in nine days i will be here:

and here:

(looking at this picture of dc just made me literally FREAK OUT with excitement!)

with this lady:

there is so much joy in that. i am literally so excited to spend a few days with sweet lucy in her neck of the woods, which happens to be somewhere that i have a sick obsession with finally visiting. (DC!!)

i have to praise the Lord for Him directing my eyes to the good, and letting the bad sit in the back of my mind. thanks to madi mae, i am now a spontaneous girl who dyes her hair into a "chocolate velvet" color. our theta christmas party was just fabulous. i'll be home for break soon, and crafting will be my new major for around a month. nope, i can't find anything to complain about. xoxo!

( i love this last picture so much that it is my phone background, my computer background, and my profile picture. awesome blossom!)

random thoughts:

Sunday, November 28, 2010

-being sick makes you so incredibly thankful for when you are not.

-i wish i could travel back to college station in a spaceship that has an approximate travel time of 30 seconds. maybe i could handle a minute.

-i'm sorry but i really like the princess diaries two and I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!!

- 17 days until baltimore to visit lucy and have what will become known as the best weekend ever

- i have lots of decisions to make these days

- i really like my instyle magazine

- i enjoy church services where i'm given an outline for note taking purposes

- i want to be in mexico right now, spending time with the people at the covenant church

- i miss my room at school

- change is sometimes really heartbreaking

- there are five water cups sitting on my windowsill

tis the season, to be thankful!

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

mmm, thanksgiving.
i have so enjoyed november this year.
i can truly say that the past few months have been some of the hardest of my life,
but i can also say that i am the most blessed girl in the entire universe.

i should probably turn that into something i tell myself each morning, you know, daily affirmation style? you are the most blessed girl in the entire universe.

although i don't look at my life right now and see tons of things that i love, i can recognize that hardships are so planted in our lives from our creator.
James 1:2-4 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness, And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
hard days, hard weeks, hard months, just don't feel beautiful.
but they are. my sweet friend Chrisleigh introduced me to a song, "Carry Me" by Audrey Assaud. The lyrics go something like:
You say I am blessed because of this
So, I choose to believe
As I carry this cross, You'll carry me
Help me believe it
i got pretty tempted to post the entire song on here, because every word is literally gorgeous.
but as i continue to focus on the lesson i know i need to learn in this season of my life, not letting my circumstances dictate my joy or actions. november has made me realize that thankfulness truly needs to be a part of the attitude of Christ that i am striving to take on. the aches of my heart that pop up are only to draw me closer to the Lord. even just typing this i am challenged by the love that He brings. by placing these challenges in my life, He just wants more time with me. wowza. i don't want to make that into a completely mememe centered thing, but truly, the Lord just loves us more than our little hearts can bear.

this made my heart smile: 52 Letters.
i really want to accept this challenge to write a letter each week, thanking someone for their blessing in my life. this little project is combining my genuine love for letter writing, and this lesson that i am striving to learn.

i have become TRULY inspired by this month and the spirit of thanksgiving.
i am the most blessed girl in the entire universe.
i hope and pray the best thanksgiving holiday possible for you.

also, be amazed by the cuteness of this winter coat that i purchased on sale:

guilty pleasures on a monday:

Monday, November 22, 2010

01. taking too many photos
02. not listening to my voicemail
03. making up words to songs
04. scriptures
05. saving letters
06. writing letters
07. chapstick
08. blogging
09. driving fast
10. friends reruns
11. easter candy
12. harry potter books
13. pretty postcards
14. journals
15. antique shopping
16. corks
17. saving big boxes that get delivered to me
18. making my bed every day
19. ordering books off of amazon
20. pearls
21. theta love
22. vacuuming up bugs
23. the target home sale section
24. lace
25. stationary
26. going to the movies in time for the previews
27. my hello kitty print checks
28. pens and scotch tape and rulers and sharpies
29. headbands
30. crayons
31. in style magazine
32. but i still like writing checks. it makes me feel all grown up to write that number out and sign my autograph. it's real official.
33. daydreaming about the future
34. sweatshirts
35. chalkboards
36. clothespins
37. russell brand
38. with love perfume
39. eating raw cookie dough
40. the anthropologie sale room
41. online jcrew sales
42. ripping pictures out of magazines
43. reading magazines at barnes & noble
44. taylor swift
45. studying clouds
46. writing lists
47. signatures
48. apple juice
49. southern things
50. staying up late chatting
51. frosted mini wheats
52. scrapbook paper
53. planners
54. cleaning mirrors
55. taking long showers
56. candles
57. having ice in my drink
58. fb stalking people who study abroad
59. overpacking my luggage
60. road trips

okay. so not very many of these are actually GUILTY pleasures. maybe russell brand.

my heart just skipped a beat.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

if only i could justify $100 on these little lovelies. that will never happen.

Monday, November 15, 2010

it's freeeeeezing.
i have a test tomorrow in a class i'm doing poorly in,
yet i cannot make myself work. it's a major problem that i am only a sophomore and already have such a little amount of motivation.

taste- leftover coffee (which i NEVER drink) because sweet sweet madison mae parker decided to treat me to a peppermint white mocha!
music- jon foreman. obsessed.
feeling- a mix between stressed and absolutley content and blessed with amazing friendships and also aching heart. LOGICAL.
desire- to see the absolute clear glory of the Lord in front of my face
wish list item- flowing cables sweater skirt

last thursday i experienced one of those times where you're kind of in awe of the beautiful metaphor Jesus has placed right before your peepers. every tuesday/thursday i rushrush to my bus after math class. i always barely make it and it is always a semi-stress. this past thursday i saw the bus already there in the distance and knew i had to run to make it. okay. now. let me paint a picture for you. i'm not athletic. nor were my sweatpants securely fastened. so i'm stirring up every bit of vague athletic ability in me to get to the bus AND my undies are basically on show to all that have x ray vision and can see past my backpack. just as i reach the curb, the bus pulls away. my heart is instantly broken. so then i just decided to lay down on this long stone bench for the lengthy wait before an even lengthier ride home. my bench was under this huge tree with tons of little nests in it. the breeze was blowing my hair around my face, it was lovely. i ended up enjoying the time on that bench. then the Lord hit me hard. I realized that i have def. been holding onto sadness in lots of situations. situations where i felt like i was almost getting the desires of my heart and then having them taken away. this is so stinking similar to the bus. i thought i knew when i should get on, just as i thought i knew when i should get the things my heart longs for. but the Lord has his superior plan and timing. He wanted me to sit and enjoy His presence before anything else. so now, as i continue in this waiting period of my life, waiting for all those big busses of joy to come pick me up, i'm going to try and take comfort in the fact that one day i will look back and remember the beautiful memories of the things God revealed to me while i waited.

blesssings!! xo.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

let me paint a picture of joy for you.

at this very moment i am sitting in mugwalls java bar:

with the following lovelies:

christian young

madison mae parker

mary martha klinke


okay. so while i was searching for excellente pictures of these amazing girls we were surprised by the arrival of the lovely hayes sisters:

arrington and ansley:

i obviously found the best pics of everyone. if you don't know these girls, this post is annoying. but each of them are just so wonderfully encouraging to my existence. starting from rush, i started praying that the Lord would provide awesome friendships for me in theta, and i can honestly say that i believe i have those girls. :)

i am living the typical college life right now, having homework and study things floating above my head but i couldn't be happier to not be doing what i'm supposed to be doing right now. love it.

this weekend i was reminded of my genuine love for my home church, first baptist church of justin. we have finally found a head pastor and i could just feel that our church was finally united as a family of believers. it was the most amazing feeling ever. AND it was orphan sunday. which is just bonkers because lately the Lord has so been putting it on my heart to one day adopt. obvi, i'm 19 going on 20 and clearly not about to adopt a buhhbay. but i know it's something that i want to consider one day, it excited me that my future hubs may potentially have this on his heart also. there is a PRECIOUS family that has a zillion kids. they adopted two sweet little girls, have one little boy that is theirs, and they just adopted four siblings from ethiopia. obsessed.

the oldest of the two sisters that they adopted kept making eye contact with me during service and we kept exchanging smiles. and afterwards she came up to me and handed me this little box of what we're going to call jesus mints. she said "these are for you." and we had a little hug.
it was absolutley adorable and warmed my heart.

i am thankful for much.

Monday, November 8, 2010

.. but until i spill two posts upon you.

pictures from the weekend with the amazing katherine klein.
love her so much.

she's literally so talented it blows me away. she has such an eye! all the editing was done by her, of course. because i can barely open photoshop, let alone work it. i did take the pictures of her though. good thing she's so pretty! :)

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