Wednesday, November 20, 2013

A Story




In the past few months, I've fallen into a rhythm of posting here on my blog. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday mornings, I read over everything one more time, submit, and shared. Then during the next few hours I approve and respond to comments as my schedule allows.

When I started blogging, I knew that one day I would recieve some kind of pushback. A side affect of sharing your life with others is negativity. This is a silly example, but anytime I look at a celebrity instagram account, or even a blogger with a crazy large following.. the most recent comments are always some kind of a fight between people saying something mean and someone else defending. I knew that at some point I would get my mean comment. I had anticipated it for awhile, prepping myself. Well, I didn't prep too well. On Friday I received a comment that crushed my heart. It can only be described as an anonymous attack on... well, me. I could divulge details but I won't. There's no purpose. My Friday was clouded with tears and hurt from this experience. I will say though, that I'm thankful for all of my readers that encourage and support me every week.

On Monday, I had no post written. I had no ideas for one. For the first time in months, I felt like I had nothing worthy of sharing with the world. I felt foolish and ashamed of myself. I had let this anonymous person let me fear that the things I say would be twisted and manipulated. I stayed silent.

Today, I've decided that fearing judgement from this one mean person and letting them overshadow positive feedback and opportunities is not happening. I also decided that the opposite of shrinking back is vulnerability. So I'm going to share something that makes me nervous to share with real life people. Even as I start to type there is a little girl in me that fears certain eyes finding there way here and laughing at me. Just keep swimming.

For as long as I can remember, fitness has been intimidating to me. I've never been naturally athletic and certainly not sporty. That, combined with childhood junk food snacks (thumbs down!) and the natural insecurities of a girl... created a monster. I remember dreading any sort of running or physical test at school. I built exercise up to be something it's not. I made it scary, and something that only "certain people" could do. In high school, I used to go on long walks when I felt a little prickle of desire for activity, because I was still just ashamed and intimidated by not being a "sporty girl".

Then I married the most athletic man alive. Haha! But really. The man can physically not sit still for more than a small period of time. If I agreed to some sort of hiking oriented vacation he might marry me all over again. Just kidding. :) Ben never had an expectation for me to be athletic, but after we got married, it was natural for him to want me to join him for workouts so every once in awhile I would go and pedal slowly on the bike while reading a book on my phone. Thinking back I feel so silly for the mental block that I felt.. but I share hoping that others can relate!

In August, I had an "ah-ha" moment and decided that I wanted to make personal fitness a part of my life, a part of my normal routine. I wrote this post for Nicole at the beginning of the month, about my ideal day. Its crazy to me how just a few weeks later God had transformed my heart and attitude and added something major into my life. I made a commitment to go to the gym three times a week, with or without Ben, and to try new things. I think he might have gone with me once since then. (Thanks, football season!) I remember even just a few weeks after this commitment, I felt transformed and refined. I was sweating from activity for the first time in years and slowly learning to coach myself through temptation to quit. I wanted to, and had to learn discipline in that area. There were days I didn't want to go.. sure. But I did. For some, three times a week is nothing. But for me, it was a major lifestyle change. I always leave the gym feeling better than when I got there, refreshed. Remember when Elle Woods from Legally Blonde said that "exercise gives you endorphins and endorphins make you happy and happy people just don't kill their husbands"? It's true. I have learned so much from this, and would love to answer questions if you have them, although I'm no expert, and won't ever be. I do know, that three months later, workouts will always be a part of my weekly routine. It's a nonnegotiable for me to stay healthy and active. I want to equip my body to serve my family and advance the kingdom of God.

If this is something you've ever struggled with, let me encourage you that the first step is just getting yourself out there. I never in a million years thought that I would be at the gym at 6:15 am some mornings. Never. But I love it, and the discipline has refined me in so many ways.

Thank you to all who read and stick with me. I'm constantly thankful for your support and positive feedback.

17 comments:

  1. I love this post. You are such a sweetheart, and I wish all the best for you with your blogging and with your new fitness regimen!

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  2. You are so awesome! Don't let one silly mean girl bring you down- you are an amazing blogger and have a beautiful story to share! xoxo

    Karissa

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  3. Don't let anyone bring you down girl. You are GORGEOUS inside and out. There is always going to be that one person to say something negative. But never let negative outshine the ones who are here for you! I have to admit, I have been slacking on my exercise routine since my wedding in September. I love your idea of exercising three times a week. That way, I wont burn myself out of it :) I would absolutely love for you to follow me at http://sincerelymrslo.blogspot.com/ I am new to the blogging world but your blog is honestly my favorite one to read. I have gained so many decor ideas and learned so much knowledge about being a newlywed! Thank you for all you do! -xoxo Lauren

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  4. I love you sweet friend. Seriously, please don't stop shining your light! Us wives that struggle sometimes NEED YOUR WISDOM and stories and encouragement! Also, I am PROUD of you for your new fitness routine. As a child, I faked sick every time I knew we had the mile run planned in PE. I couldn't run a mile without stopping til I was in my twenties-I found a running for beginners plan, followed it, ran two half marathons, then I was diagnosed with RA and running was put back on the backburner for almost a year. Now, finally, I am finding my groove again, slowly but surely and it seriously makes me a much more sane, calm, anxious person! High five for endorphins!

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  5. Ahh Victoria! What an encouraging post. I am also one who hates exercise and cardio. This is such a discipline and its awesome to read that someone, who possibly hates it as much as I, has made it a part of the daily. I am so jealous and hope one day to have enough discipline to make it happen weekly. Be encouraged and keep it up sista! Miss you! Hope you and Ben are well :)

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  6. Ahhh Victoria! What an encouraging post. I am also one who hates exercise and cardio. It is so awesome that someone who probably hates it as much as I has found the discipline to do it weekly! I know what a battle it can be and seriously, so encouraged by this. I hope one day to be as disciplined as you and to make it a daily routine. Be encouraged and keep it up sista! Miss you! Hope you and Ben are well :)

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  7. This is so great! You are such a sweet person and I love your stories of truth :)

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  8. i hate that you had to deal with a blog snob!! UGH makes me so mad. not that my opinion matters but i think youre pretty dang awesome :)

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  9. People who criticize you are just jealous, especially if they stay anonymous ! Don't listen to them, you're one of my favorite blogger and I love reading you !
    xxx Mathilde

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  10. So encouraging! I am just one of those people who are just on and off exercising, so your post really makes me want to move ;) And about that mean comment, well, I personally think you are a really great blogger. And for one grumpy person, you inspire a lot of people!! And you are beautiful from the inside and out! :) Oh, and you should talk about your exercise routine, I think it would be great! Have a lovely day my dear!

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  11. Sister, you are so encouraging to me with your posts and sweet e-mails! Don' t let anyone tear you down. I too struggle with working out, I ran a 5K and haven't since! Hoping that after this semester I can get back into my swing of things. I want more energy and to feel great...and still enjoy sweets ;) Have a fantastic day, sweet friend!

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  12. I tried this last year - every day for 4 months 5:45 a.m. and then quit. I did feel more structured and accomplished throughout the day but my gym buddy quit on me :( Now I go to the gym like three times a week on a good week haha.
    Keep up the good work and choose a reliable gym buddy :) New follower - { Raspy Wit }

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  13. Victoria,
    It is astounding what people will say when they think they don't have to fear being held accountable for their words. I'm sorry to hear that you were on the receiving end of such utter callousness. There is so much power in what we say (good & bad), I know for me this is a great reminder to use my speech to build others up. Don't let that person's words become your truth, there are people in the world saying all kinds of things, but not everything you hear is truthworthy or well-founded. It will be tempting to hold onto it the back of your mind, but it is not God's intent that you would be diminished or damaged. That's great that you are finding a workout routine that works well for you! Keep writing.
    Melanie

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  14. Sweet Victoria,

    This post made me full to the brim with pride of just knowing you. How someone could be hurtful towards you is beyond me, but you are darling in every way. I have loved reading through your posts and always leave feeling uplifted and inspired. What a wonderful writer you are Victoria! Love the tennis shoes, love this blog, love you. Keep chuggin along and dont let the haters get you down, you have a great love that calls you up. Truth and blessings over you dear friend!

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