I didn't realize it until it happened, but the second Beau was born the value of my time changed. The value of an hour of sleep gained a bit of rarity, the value of an hour spent gazing upon the sweetness of my squishy newborn skyrocketed. During Beau's time in the NICU, I really struggled with feeling like I was "missing his life". Ben was quick to assure me that I wasn't, and that we were spending every day with him, but for those two weeks, I felt like the precious moments were flying by and that even though I was his mama, I was missing them. Every day that we stayed in the hospital and couldn't take his newborn photos, I grew anxious, feeling like he would be huge by the time we could record this fleeting time. Praise God for our photographer and sweet friend Katherine, who took newborn photos for us in the hospital and the day after we arrived home. My whole perspective of time has changed so much in four months. On one hand, it has gone by so incredibly fast. It feels like Beau should still be so tiny. Like his head should still be cradled in every movement, like we should still be snuggling during sleepy, middle of the night feeds. Yet it feels like I've never not known him. I've got his face memorized and it's crazy to me that there was a point in my life when I didn't know I was having a boy, or that he would come out with a head of hair, etc.
All that I've learned from Beau about time boils down to one simple idea. I'm more present in daily life because I know it's the only shot I get at him being that exact age. Each stage and milestone and change has happened so quickly. Even if it's a hard day, I start and end the day remembering that I'll only hold him for a very short time at that exact size. As much as I miss having a tiny newborn already, each milestone reached brings me such joy. Laughter has been by far my favorite so far. :) My little boy rolled over this week! I know it won't be long before he doesn't let me give him a hundred kisses on each cheek, so I'll be lingering in each moment for now.